My youngest & I were at the Quad Cities Festival of Praise this last weekend. What a great night of music by the JJ Weeks band & the David Crowder band. The crowd was rocking! The music glorified God & the messages that were presented were uplifting. We’ve been to this a couple of times now…always a good show!
I want to address something that was said during one of the messages by the JJ Weeks band. The lead singer was giving a message about turning to God & how God is our healer…of disease, of broken marriages, of finances. He went on to say other things, however, I couldn’t hear them because I was too busy being focused on how I was going to address this with my daughter. She had heard it…”God is the healer of broken marriages.” She turned to look at me. She had a look of shock on her face. She quickly looked back at the stage & never brought it up again.
I know what she was thinking though. Oh, do I EVER know what she was thinking! I’ve thought it myself before. She was thinking, “Well, if God is the great healer, then he will heal this marriage, he will heal this relationship, he will heal this mental illness.” Yup, I’m pretty sure she’s trying to figure out why God isn’t healing her parent’s marriage. I’ve wondered that before, too, sweet girl!
I certainly don’t have an answer to give her! I’ve prayed about our marriage, I’ve given it over to God, I’ve asked him to change our hearts. The message I keep getting is, “You are going to be ok. I’m here with you.” I’ve never gotten “Well, if you just jump through this hoop & do this thing then I will heal it.” No, I’ve always gotten, “You are going to be ok. I’m here with you.” I’ve bargained, I’ve read books, I’ve sought counseling…the answer is always, “You are going to be ok. I’m here with you.” I’ve held it together, I’ve lost it all. The answer remains, “You are going to be ok. I’m here with you.” Comforting words during a time of intense pain & decision making.
Now, I’ve done it myself. I’ve told people to “Give it to God.”, “I’ll pray for your healing.” and all of those great things our healer can do. However, what do you do when the healing doesn’t come? How do you handle it? How do you deal with life when you feel like you aren’t worthy enough for God’s healing? Well, I’ve been know to cry, get mad & not sleep. These aren’t great options. I’ve never felt better after I’ve gone off on a tangent or not slept much of the night. (I have felt a little better after a good cry!)
I guess the point I’m trying to get at is that God IS the great healer. This I know! However, sometimes, His healing doesn’t come in the form of fixing the problem, the disease or the finances. Sometimes, it comes in the form of moving forward, of going through the pain & the hard stuff. We have to truly listen to God & seek His will for the problem to be fixed! I mean, my plan was for my Grandmother to live forever, my marriage to be healed & the mental health issues in my family to go away! That’s how I would have fixed all of this! However, in the end, my Grandmother passed away & is now living pain free, burden free with her husband. She is healed! My marriage, that I took the vows for, that I put forth the effort to change & be changed is ending in divorce & the mental health issues still rear their ugly head. Did I want this fixed a different way? YES I DID! That was not in God’s plan. I sought out God’s will, sought counsel & prayed a whole bunch. The message I kept hearing was, “You are going to be ok. I’m here with you!” And He has been here with me every step of the way. From the early stages of the mental health diagnosis, to fighting for my daughter & family, to making the choice to walk away & be safe. God has been in every decision, every person that has walked with me & in every prayer! Yes, God is here with me, even in the midst of the valley. And, He will be with me on the mountain top too. (I will get there someday!)
I feel like this has been a long post only to say, God’s will be done, not mine! Even if I think things should be done a certain way, God’s will is what I am seeking.
To my sweet girl who gave me “the look”…I know you don’t understand this. Neither do I. However, when we continue to seek God’s will & wisdom, we will be healed. I’m not sure what that looks like, but God is our great healer! He will make us whole again!
“For I know the plans I have for you…” Jeremiah 29:11